Flaming Geeks

Geek Classification
By J. Dunbar

Geek Classification: This is just a short guide, which may change later. All categories of geek assume basic computer skills. If you don't like what I've said, well, there's a reason this is a rant. :P

You know this type. They're the ones who speak in half-English, half-Japanese, and act condescending toward anyone who doesn't think the same way as they do. On the whole, they tend to be great at web design, but horrible at social interaction with anyone who doesn't share their flakiness. Distinguishing characteristics of this sort of geek are: cliques stolen from ideas that are not theirs, monochromatic websites, and an overwhelming use of Japanese smilies in conversation. Subcategories of this class of geek include:

Yaoi fangirl: Thinks that every male/male couple in anime, no matter how unlikely, is better than any possible combination of straight characters. These are the ones who would like to see Ijyuin Akira find a nice boyfriend rather than continue his adorable romance with Ohkawa Utako, simply because she has female plumbing.

Yuri fangirl: These are just odd. Most of them hold some sort of torch for either Tenou Haruka or Kaiou Michiru, write incredibly sappy fanfic including this couple of girls, yet for the most part claim heterosexuality. Maybe I'm wrong here--it wouldn't be the first time--but it just seems like a way to project tendencies that aren't socially "acceptable" onto a persona that many are unaware of.

These can be of either sex, but must share some of the flakiness shown by anime fangirls. These are people who are just barely passing the line as geeks--a stereotype of this sort of geek would be the 30-year old, married-with-two-kids avid fantasy reader who has a passing flirtation with whatever television show this happens to be. Another stereotype, on the other end of the spectrum, is the 16 year old HS girl who can't keep her spotty nose out of Pern novels. (I was once one of the latter.)

Can be very snobby, depending on their particular favorite literature. The movie version is never good enough; it's always the book. (Even with good adaptations such as _Where the Heart Is_.) Now, while these geeks can be very antisocial and withdrawn and yes, pretentious, they also tend to be more grounded than the sorts of geeks mentioned before.

This is what I call the well rounded geek. They tend to be fairly well-adjusted, keep friendships, and are fans of just about anything that fits their particular taste. These are the people who tend to speak in "geek", that is, referring to things by using analogies drawn from their geekly tastes. The happy medium of the geek world.

COMING SOON: Trek geeks, 'Wars geeks, and Mundane Wannabes.

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This page copyrighted July 15, 2000 to J. Dunbar